The last two days have been mostly without internet. Monday it was completely gone and yesterday it went down a couple of times. Since I've been tired from this weekend I didn't really need it anyway, although I wanted to write again on Monday. So let's now write what I wanted to get off my chest already on Monday.
On Sunday I had a difficult conversation with my boyfriend. He thinks I am not investing enough time in him. According to him I need to cancel my sewing classes on Friday when he comes over or when I go to him for the weekend. He thinks I am not coming over enough anymore as well. I told him that if he wants to see me longer he could have come over earlier the weekend he was here. He thought that was not necessary since I did not cancel my class, so he was not feeling like he needed to come over earlier. And this weekend he would have wanted me to come over on Friday evening, skip my class and because I did not do that, he thought he could spend the whole afternoon somewhere else and I could come over in the evening instead of in the early afternoon. I think if he really wanted to see me he would not go anywhere in the afternoon or sleep that long so he would have been here earlier and then I would not have made an appointment with another friend on Sunday evening. He always wanted me to stay late in the evenings on Sunday when I could still drive, so that I would be home somewhere between 23.00h and 01.00h. I really did not understand why he would make plans with his friend when he could have stayed here longer but he told me that otherwise he would still have left early since he has a JOB. He really feels the need to explain that everytime to me. I know he has a job, I had one before as well, next to my studies, and even then I left late. Plus I had to start early on Mondays but he can start around 11 in the morning so he could have stayed late. I sometimes feel he thinks he is so superior to me because I am not working and studying is not going well either and he is working.
I feel this superiority as well with other things. The way he tells me I am doing things wrong or that I am annoying him and I have to stop what I am doing, it feels like he is talking to a child that doesn't know anything. I told him this a few times already but he tells me it is ridiculous and not true at all. When I say that I get the FEELING it is like that, not that it in fact IS like this, he still thinks it is ridiculous and I should just get over it and change what I am doing. Then just after this he wants to hug me, and of course, feeling very annoyed by the way he treats me, I don't want to. Then he gets mad at me because I don't want to hug. I explained to him that when he treats me like this I cannot suddenly be cuddly, that I really need to be left alone for a while. It seems he does not want to understand this.
Oh and of course this weekend he had to bring up me being very egocentric for booking a trip to Finland when his mom has her birthday, or even going to Sonata shows when his friends have birthdays...Really, this happened only once and is not even completely true. The thing is that my friend came over all the way from Austria, and she will probably never be allowed by her husband to do such an expensive trip again. She came over to my place on this birthday of my boyfriend's friend. We already planned everything for my friend to come over, and the day after that we would go to the Sonata show together in Belgium. Even if this show wouldn't have existed I would still have skipped the birthday because I think a friend coming over from Austria for one time in her life is more important. I can go to this guy's birthday for the rest of my life if he wants me to. But the thing was he turned 30 and that is an important age, on top of that he almost never celebrates his birthday. That is 's what my boyfriend brought up as arguments why I had to be there. It's another thing though why I didn't really consider that I might have to go there for a party. One and a half year ago I did skip a Sonata show for the birthday of one of my boyfriend's friends. He tends to forget that fact.
I keep on ranting about all of this, I just cannot understand why it is me who always seems to be the bad guy. Yes, I planned my trip somewhat unfortunate, but when he brought up that I could have gone to many other shows in Finland, he was using that in his own advantage again. Because when he wanted to do part of a tour in Finland with a band, he told me that only Helsinki was a possibility because the other airports are hard to reach, if there's any at all in the neigborhood of the concerts. Unfair to use this against me when he at first said this was the only possibility to go to if going to follow a band touring in Finland.
So I think this will be the end of my rant for today about this topic. Could be I have more to say but probably not about this. I felt bad this weekend but now I think of it again, I just get very pissed off by all of it. I WILL NOT LET HIM RUIN MY VACATION!!!
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