I'm in Finland!!! So excited to be here. It's beautiful with all the snow, and cold but not too cold. And I love my friend's place, it's so cosy, I feel perfectly at home.
On Friday I left for Hilversum by train, arrived around ten at the railway station and got picked up by my friend. We chatted a little and went to bed afterwards. Next morning came too early but we made it perfectly on time. Her boyfriend brought us to the airport, very sweet of him so there was no stress at all. The flight was good, although it was a tiny airplane.
We were waiting for my luggage but it never showed, so I asked a lady at the desk what to do and she took my information so she could contact me if it was found. Crappy that my suitcase was missing since I was wearing the same clothes for two days then and I really wanted to freshen up a bit before the gig.
Kopenhagen was very windy and cold, and it took us forever to find the hostel, but when we arrived I was so happy it looked so clean and nice. Not at all like I remember from the last hostel I was in. We went shopping soon after we arrived since I really needed some clean socks and underwear. Later that day we met up with my friend from Finland and had dinner at the Hardrock Café. It was delicious! We went to the venue to check it out, bought some drinks on the way and spent our time chatting and waiting for the doors to open.
The show was hilarious because we made it that way, by doing funny dances and stuff, but the sound was terrible. We almost couldn't hear the singer so that was too bad. Also the setlist was almost exactly the same as on the Finnish and European tour, so that was disappointing, but still, we had a great time. You can make everything fun with the right attitude!
After the show we talked for a few seconds with Elias and Marko, but got kicked out by one of the girls that worked there. We were supposed to meet up with the band at a bar afterwards but I think they were too lazy and tired to go out once they were at the hotel. We went to an English Pub and had a drink and then walked a long way until we decided it was time to go to sleep. My friend and I had to leave our hotelroom again at ten in the morning so it was late enough.
Next morning I got a call from Scandinavian Airlines that my suitcase was found and I could pick it up at the airport. So my friend and I went into the city with our stuff, walked around for a while to try and find a place to eat breakfast. After that we took the train to the airport and I finally got reunited with my suitcase! Then came a time of endless waiting, since it was around 13.3p and my flight was at 21.10 in the evening. Oh well, I survived, and all went well with the flight to my 'second home'. I was so happy to breathe Finnish air. It's cold here but I'm okay with it. It looks so pretty, everything covered in white. I can't complain about anything.
I had a good night's sleep, although it could have been a bit longer. And now I think I'll go have a shower and dress and then see what my friend and I will do later today. Some nice food would be good, getting hungry...
Monday, January 28, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Speaking My Mind
Just a short message, the last one before my next trip starts. My internet finally got back to me this afternoon around 4. I am so happy with it, I could do some things I needed to get ready before tomorrow.
I also finished my fake-leather pants and even washed it so tomorrow I can pack it and bring it with me. I hope the fabric doesn't rip or something while I wear it...
I wrapped all the presents for my friends yesterday and now the suitcase is quite full already. I counted 11 presents but I think my friends will all love to get a (few) gift(s) so I have to try and fit it all in there. Even if it means bringing less clothes. I saw that the apartment I rented for the end of next week has a washing machine so I can wash some clothes then, should be okay.
Therapy went nicely yesterday. She asked about my plans after I get my master's degree and I told her I would get back to work at my old practice or move to Finland. I told her I really wasn't sure yet, but I am getting more confident every day that I need to get out of the life I am stuck in right now and start somewhere new. I won't break every link I have with this life of course, I want to keep all of my friends here and travel back to see them and all, but I think it would be great to start with a career over there instead of going on in the same way I always did over here. Not being completely sure if I want to work there forever, if I dare to say something about the treatments some of my colleagues are giving their patients (I think in some things they are really too old-fashioned, although I like working there). I also don't think I want to buy myself into the practice. Just because I am not sure about how they work. I am interested in new treatment ways and giving more attention to the patients, because it is well-known by now that the way you communicate with your patiens and how you approach them is very important as well to the healing process. And exercising is almost always the way to go. Not completely always, definitely not, but I prefer that over putting some UKG on a patient.
I am starting to realize my mind is pretty well made up by now. I would like to work there for a very short while maybe, but definitely not forever, not even for two years or so. I am old enough to start getting on with what I want to do. No more time to waste on undecidedness.
Being undecided, it was a theme last time in my therapy-session. We talked about it again yesterday and yes I have this many times, but most of the times when it involves other people and what they want to do. I always want to please others so I want them to decide to make sure they are happy with the decision. It becomes difficult when your friends think the same way and you both don't dare to tell what you really want. I am trying now to speak my mind and not always let others say it first. A good thing I can practice in the next week(s). I will meet so many friends there that it is good to make your own opinion clear, especially when there's more than two people around. Otherwise we're all waiting for others to decide since we are all brought up with politeness as a virtue.
Quick update on my sister: she is back with her boyfriend, for now. They are trying to talk about things they want to change. But since they said they would do that, suddenly he doesn't want to talk anymore and just sit and watch tv or something. So now my sister doesn't know what to do and feels guilty towards her friends, because she told them she broke up, and now she is back with him. I told her, it is your life, you make your own decisions. If you want to try one more time, that is your decision and no one has anything to say in that. And we are all there hoping you are happy, whether that is with him or without him. I hope they can make it work, or else that they quickly break up, because I fear it will be too much for her and she is quite fragile. Not that she would do anything to herself, but she would take it hard and would be sad for months again. I just want her to be happy, find her guy SOON, so she can finally have the family she was born to have. She would be the greatest mom and I feel sad that she is feeling so hopeless about her boyfriend not wanting to have children. I wish she wasn't aso fraid to make the wrong decision and thus stay undecided.
This turned out to be not such a short post after all....Guess I had more to tell than I thought.
I got two more messages from my guy yesterday, and now I am missing him because he did not write anything today. Yesterday was fun though, finding out he is just as geeky as I am. It made me feel happy. I really hope it won't be awkward when we meet. I wish it would be just as easy as typing a message to him, because that goes so easy, I am not really thinking of what to write, it just comes right out of my fingers/head onto the screen. I sometimes have to delete stuff because I am rambling. That's how easy it goes. Now in real life I am much more shy and so I hope we won't stay quiet for ages. But I think as soon as I see that shy smile of his, I melt and it's all good.
I also finished my fake-leather pants and even washed it so tomorrow I can pack it and bring it with me. I hope the fabric doesn't rip or something while I wear it...
I wrapped all the presents for my friends yesterday and now the suitcase is quite full already. I counted 11 presents but I think my friends will all love to get a (few) gift(s) so I have to try and fit it all in there. Even if it means bringing less clothes. I saw that the apartment I rented for the end of next week has a washing machine so I can wash some clothes then, should be okay.
Therapy went nicely yesterday. She asked about my plans after I get my master's degree and I told her I would get back to work at my old practice or move to Finland. I told her I really wasn't sure yet, but I am getting more confident every day that I need to get out of the life I am stuck in right now and start somewhere new. I won't break every link I have with this life of course, I want to keep all of my friends here and travel back to see them and all, but I think it would be great to start with a career over there instead of going on in the same way I always did over here. Not being completely sure if I want to work there forever, if I dare to say something about the treatments some of my colleagues are giving their patients (I think in some things they are really too old-fashioned, although I like working there). I also don't think I want to buy myself into the practice. Just because I am not sure about how they work. I am interested in new treatment ways and giving more attention to the patients, because it is well-known by now that the way you communicate with your patiens and how you approach them is very important as well to the healing process. And exercising is almost always the way to go. Not completely always, definitely not, but I prefer that over putting some UKG on a patient.
I am starting to realize my mind is pretty well made up by now. I would like to work there for a very short while maybe, but definitely not forever, not even for two years or so. I am old enough to start getting on with what I want to do. No more time to waste on undecidedness.
Being undecided, it was a theme last time in my therapy-session. We talked about it again yesterday and yes I have this many times, but most of the times when it involves other people and what they want to do. I always want to please others so I want them to decide to make sure they are happy with the decision. It becomes difficult when your friends think the same way and you both don't dare to tell what you really want. I am trying now to speak my mind and not always let others say it first. A good thing I can practice in the next week(s). I will meet so many friends there that it is good to make your own opinion clear, especially when there's more than two people around. Otherwise we're all waiting for others to decide since we are all brought up with politeness as a virtue.
Quick update on my sister: she is back with her boyfriend, for now. They are trying to talk about things they want to change. But since they said they would do that, suddenly he doesn't want to talk anymore and just sit and watch tv or something. So now my sister doesn't know what to do and feels guilty towards her friends, because she told them she broke up, and now she is back with him. I told her, it is your life, you make your own decisions. If you want to try one more time, that is your decision and no one has anything to say in that. And we are all there hoping you are happy, whether that is with him or without him. I hope they can make it work, or else that they quickly break up, because I fear it will be too much for her and she is quite fragile. Not that she would do anything to herself, but she would take it hard and would be sad for months again. I just want her to be happy, find her guy SOON, so she can finally have the family she was born to have. She would be the greatest mom and I feel sad that she is feeling so hopeless about her boyfriend not wanting to have children. I wish she wasn't aso fraid to make the wrong decision and thus stay undecided.
This turned out to be not such a short post after all....Guess I had more to tell than I thought.
I got two more messages from my guy yesterday, and now I am missing him because he did not write anything today. Yesterday was fun though, finding out he is just as geeky as I am. It made me feel happy. I really hope it won't be awkward when we meet. I wish it would be just as easy as typing a message to him, because that goes so easy, I am not really thinking of what to write, it just comes right out of my fingers/head onto the screen. I sometimes have to delete stuff because I am rambling. That's how easy it goes. Now in real life I am much more shy and so I hope we won't stay quiet for ages. But I think as soon as I see that shy smile of his, I melt and it's all good.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Down
My internet has been down for a few days, so finally I decided to post with my phone. If I have time I will probably do that as well when I'm in Finland, so I'd better practice my typing skills on the phone.
The last few days I made sure I had all my presents ready for the trip. All I need to do is gift wrap them and hope they will fit into my suitcase. I have to do that tonight somewhere because I know tomorrow I will be busy with finishing my pants and hopefully sending in my research protocol. Why does it take people so long to decide if they are okay with me doing research at their school? You would think they would be happy with possibly helping their students.
Since today I am a little stressed out about all the things I need to do before I leave. Somehow two days left sounds much less than three days. Oh well, once I am on my way I will be okay I hope. Just hoping I won't forget to pack anything!
Right now I am on my way to therapy ad after that my mom will pick me up at home so I can have dinner with my parents. I wish I could use this time for other things but I know they really want to see me before I leave and I want to see them as well. I just wish it wouldn't take so much time.
So I'm halfway there. I think I will try to learn a few Finnish words before I am there.
The last few days I made sure I had all my presents ready for the trip. All I need to do is gift wrap them and hope they will fit into my suitcase. I have to do that tonight somewhere because I know tomorrow I will be busy with finishing my pants and hopefully sending in my research protocol. Why does it take people so long to decide if they are okay with me doing research at their school? You would think they would be happy with possibly helping their students.
Since today I am a little stressed out about all the things I need to do before I leave. Somehow two days left sounds much less than three days. Oh well, once I am on my way I will be okay I hope. Just hoping I won't forget to pack anything!
Right now I am on my way to therapy ad after that my mom will pick me up at home so I can have dinner with my parents. I wish I could use this time for other things but I know they really want to see me before I leave and I want to see them as well. I just wish it wouldn't take so much time.
So I'm halfway there. I think I will try to learn a few Finnish words before I am there.
Monday, January 21, 2013
It's The White Stuff
A while ago, my therapist suggested I do things I would normally not do. One of these things was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed. So at the side where normally your feet are. I can't recall exactly why it was, but mostly I think to get out of your comfortzone, do something that does not feel natural and thus throw your body a bit off-balance. I might be the shock your body needs.
I tried it for the last two nights and although I still had trouble falling asleep, I slept much better. When I woke up this morning I could see everything was white outside. I had to take a picture of course, because we almost never get to witness snow over here. The whole country is in chaos because of this terrible white fluffy stuff. Traffic jams, no trains driving on time, they even have a different schedule, so beware before you count on taking the normal train, it might not be there. I should not forget about that when I go to therapy on Wednesday...And then there is talk about this ice skating contest, the Elfstedentocht, in which ice skaters pass eleven cities skating on natural ice.
Every year when it's freezing for one day, all tv channels, radio shows and news papers only talk about this one thing. It's getting ridiculous because as far as I can recall, last time we actually had an Elfstedentocht was in 1996. I might be wrong with the year but I'm not that far off either. As you can see it's been a while. The ice is never thick enough everywhere to do the whole tour. So every year people get terribly disappointed and we put the idea back into the freezer for next year. Who knows, maybe it will happen this year. And possibly I'm in a country then where they could do this tour every year without any doubt. Ironic.
Yesterday I tried my idea with the leather pants out. I could only think of a few things I had over here that might help make the fake-leather slide easily along the machine. Because powdered sugar would probably get stick as well eventually, I decided to go with flour. It worked quite well, but somehow I was afraid I might damage the fabric as flour is not completely soft, there are some harder parts in it.
Last night when I couldn't sleep I remembered I had bought baby powder years ago for ballet class, because we had to dance on bare feet a few times for a contemporary piece, and after a while your feet get so sticky from sweating that you cannot perform the turns as well as you want to. This morning I checked and found it pretty fast. This was the right white stuff! Now the fabric glides over the machine and I finally have some pretty stitches on my pants. I wish I had thought of this sooner, so for instance the back pockets would look nicer. Or the inner leg stitchings. Oh well, it is my first try with this fabric so I think I am doing pretty well.
Today I put in the zipper and discovered another problem. I used a metal zipper because it matches nicely with the zippers I put in the legs, but of course my machine cannot stitch through metal so I have no clue how to fix this. I have to do all stitchings by hand I guess and I hope it will all stay put, because some parts need to be attached really strong. You don't want your pants to rip open around the zipper, right?
Got a really short message this evening from my Finn who is terribly exhausted from hard work. I suggested some good rest, a sauna and a massage. And I am not too lazy to offer him one, although I am not sure how long my arms and hands will last. Now he is in dreamland so I think I will join him. Would be fun to meet there again.
I tried it for the last two nights and although I still had trouble falling asleep, I slept much better. When I woke up this morning I could see everything was white outside. I had to take a picture of course, because we almost never get to witness snow over here. The whole country is in chaos because of this terrible white fluffy stuff. Traffic jams, no trains driving on time, they even have a different schedule, so beware before you count on taking the normal train, it might not be there. I should not forget about that when I go to therapy on Wednesday...And then there is talk about this ice skating contest, the Elfstedentocht, in which ice skaters pass eleven cities skating on natural ice.
Every year when it's freezing for one day, all tv channels, radio shows and news papers only talk about this one thing. It's getting ridiculous because as far as I can recall, last time we actually had an Elfstedentocht was in 1996. I might be wrong with the year but I'm not that far off either. As you can see it's been a while. The ice is never thick enough everywhere to do the whole tour. So every year people get terribly disappointed and we put the idea back into the freezer for next year. Who knows, maybe it will happen this year. And possibly I'm in a country then where they could do this tour every year without any doubt. Ironic.
Yesterday I tried my idea with the leather pants out. I could only think of a few things I had over here that might help make the fake-leather slide easily along the machine. Because powdered sugar would probably get stick as well eventually, I decided to go with flour. It worked quite well, but somehow I was afraid I might damage the fabric as flour is not completely soft, there are some harder parts in it.
Last night when I couldn't sleep I remembered I had bought baby powder years ago for ballet class, because we had to dance on bare feet a few times for a contemporary piece, and after a while your feet get so sticky from sweating that you cannot perform the turns as well as you want to. This morning I checked and found it pretty fast. This was the right white stuff! Now the fabric glides over the machine and I finally have some pretty stitches on my pants. I wish I had thought of this sooner, so for instance the back pockets would look nicer. Or the inner leg stitchings. Oh well, it is my first try with this fabric so I think I am doing pretty well.
Today I put in the zipper and discovered another problem. I used a metal zipper because it matches nicely with the zippers I put in the legs, but of course my machine cannot stitch through metal so I have no clue how to fix this. I have to do all stitchings by hand I guess and I hope it will all stay put, because some parts need to be attached really strong. You don't want your pants to rip open around the zipper, right?
Got a really short message this evening from my Finn who is terribly exhausted from hard work. I suggested some good rest, a sauna and a massage. And I am not too lazy to offer him one, although I am not sure how long my arms and hands will last. Now he is in dreamland so I think I will join him. Would be fun to meet there again.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Heavy Arms
Today I went shopping for some presents. Finally I found all I need so my friends will all get a nice present when I arrive in Finland. I am still busy knitting a hat for one of my friends but got some other gifts all ready for the sweetest girl I will meet there. She sent me a very sweet knitted hat for my birthday so I thought it was time to return the favor. I started with a nice ribbed pattern but somehow I did not like how it looked so I restarted with a bigger rib and hope this will turn out like I want it to be.
Yesterday before I went to sleep I got another short message from my Finn and as always he is working so hard. He told me today would be a long day. I should maybe send him some sweet dreams for tonight so he won't be too sleepy when I meet him!
Since I can eat a bit again I am trying out all the things I was craving before. Today was a day for fries. I had half a banana before but somehow it did not work as well as the other days and I went to bed around six because of bad stomach aches again. I thought watching some TV shows in bed with something warm next to my belly would be good for me, but I fell asleep and just woke up. I guess I will be wide awake for the rest of the night. Just when I started to get my normal rhythm back...
This morning for the first time since two weeks I did some Pilates again. Actually I was surprised about how well it went and I did all the exercises I normally do, even with the lady-push-ups added. I hope my arm muscles soon will start functioning normal again. I'm so tired of my arms being tired all the time. It would also be great if I could go back to my regular job, because I really need the money and I miss my patients. But for now, it is just impossible. I remember massages someone in November and even if it was only for about fifteen minutes, my arms hurt for the rest of the evening. Pretty bad if you need to do this all day long.
I had an appointment with the psychiatrist last week on Monday and asked him about my tired muscles and he seemed worried about it. He kept asking me if there was anybody in my family having a disease related to muscle tiredness or anything like that. I told him my mom has fibromyalgia but as any doctor would say: that's not really something that exists. I did not tell my mom, because I know she really has something wrong with her muscles and I do believe in fibromyalgia. She would get so sad again, because people think sometimes she makes it up. She is such a fighter and I always feel bad seeing how much her muscles hurt when she does something. Still she keeps doing things and works like crazy in the garden. And goes to the gym twice every week to stay in shape, to keep her muscles in action. I wonder how she does it. I really admire her for this.
The psychiatrist also told me I have to take my medication until next year January. I told him that was really a long time so he said, well, at least until October, since that was about the last time you had a panic attack. Of course he is right and I should stay on medication because I don't want this to happen again, but this sucks. No driving for at least nine more months. How will I ever get back to work without driving a car? My muscles don't really allow me to cycle for fourty minutes and then start working. And then cycle back home. Secondly, there are always patients you need to treat at home. That's not possible without a car and with the bike you are just too slow to get from one place to the next. Dilemma. I need to find a job to pay my rent but all things I studied for are not really possible right now. I need to check out if there's something I can do closer to home. Something that doesn't require normal muscle power. Gosh, my arms even hurt right now from typing. Knitting apparently doesn't really help me get stronger muscles.
Yesterday before I went to sleep I got another short message from my Finn and as always he is working so hard. He told me today would be a long day. I should maybe send him some sweet dreams for tonight so he won't be too sleepy when I meet him!
Since I can eat a bit again I am trying out all the things I was craving before. Today was a day for fries. I had half a banana before but somehow it did not work as well as the other days and I went to bed around six because of bad stomach aches again. I thought watching some TV shows in bed with something warm next to my belly would be good for me, but I fell asleep and just woke up. I guess I will be wide awake for the rest of the night. Just when I started to get my normal rhythm back...
This morning for the first time since two weeks I did some Pilates again. Actually I was surprised about how well it went and I did all the exercises I normally do, even with the lady-push-ups added. I hope my arm muscles soon will start functioning normal again. I'm so tired of my arms being tired all the time. It would also be great if I could go back to my regular job, because I really need the money and I miss my patients. But for now, it is just impossible. I remember massages someone in November and even if it was only for about fifteen minutes, my arms hurt for the rest of the evening. Pretty bad if you need to do this all day long.
I had an appointment with the psychiatrist last week on Monday and asked him about my tired muscles and he seemed worried about it. He kept asking me if there was anybody in my family having a disease related to muscle tiredness or anything like that. I told him my mom has fibromyalgia but as any doctor would say: that's not really something that exists. I did not tell my mom, because I know she really has something wrong with her muscles and I do believe in fibromyalgia. She would get so sad again, because people think sometimes she makes it up. She is such a fighter and I always feel bad seeing how much her muscles hurt when she does something. Still she keeps doing things and works like crazy in the garden. And goes to the gym twice every week to stay in shape, to keep her muscles in action. I wonder how she does it. I really admire her for this.
The psychiatrist also told me I have to take my medication until next year January. I told him that was really a long time so he said, well, at least until October, since that was about the last time you had a panic attack. Of course he is right and I should stay on medication because I don't want this to happen again, but this sucks. No driving for at least nine more months. How will I ever get back to work without driving a car? My muscles don't really allow me to cycle for fourty minutes and then start working. And then cycle back home. Secondly, there are always patients you need to treat at home. That's not possible without a car and with the bike you are just too slow to get from one place to the next. Dilemma. I need to find a job to pay my rent but all things I studied for are not really possible right now. I need to check out if there's something I can do closer to home. Something that doesn't require normal muscle power. Gosh, my arms even hurt right now from typing. Knitting apparently doesn't really help me get stronger muscles.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
The Great Food I Had In Miami
I woke up this morning because my phone was buzzing. Very unexpected, but I got another message from my Finn and it was such a lovely surprise to hear from him so soon again. I am really counting the days until I can get on the plane. Not on the one to Denmark, although it will be great again to see my good friends and to see another Sonata Arctica show, but mostly the one to Helsinki.
So many fun things ahead of me, it's hard to focus on the things I need to do before I go there. Since today started with such a nice surprise I was all happy and made a good breakfast shake. I decided to work a bit more on a fake-leather pants I want to get done before I leave. I had some ideas in mind and I have to say they are starting to look awesome. The only bad thing about using fake-leather (or real leather, for that matter) is that this material sticks to the sewing machine and therefore all the stitches turn out much smaller than they are supposed to. I need to figure out how to make it less sticky next time. Maybe I could use some baby powder or something to make it slide more easily along the machine. Food for thoughts.
My sister called me again today and she sounded much happier. Still quite sad but she is finally seeing that she will be better off without her now ex-boyfriend. I wish she had seen the light years ago, I hated to see her all afraid and obedient all the time. There were times when they were very happy together of course, but they never lasted long. I hope she will stay strong and find her happiness!
As written in my previous post I did not cancel the Mexican restaurant this time and my friend and I had really nice taco crisps with guacamole and garlic sauce for starters. I also secretly took some bites from a banana until I ate half of it. Of course you should not bring your own food to a restaurant but I really needed to eat some banana just to make sure my stomach would not overreact immediately. It worked. For the main course we decided to take chicken fajitas and they were lovely as always! I mean, I had better Mexican food but this one is the only restaurant in the area so I'll take what I can get. Thinking of great Mexican food brings me back to Miami...
In Miami, two years ago, my friend and I discovered the Nexxt Café. It was quite a cheap restaurant but the food was amazing. I never tasted such great burritos as over there. They had one on the menu called the Monster Burrito. I had to try that one of course. After the first night we had dinner there we went back almost every day. And I always had the Monster Burrito. I still think about it and wished many times I was in Miami to taste it again. One day I will go back there to have dinner. And to have breakfast at Maxine's on Collins Avenue. They had this giant breakfast dish, called the Hungry Man's Platter. It was very tasty, with two strips of bacon, two eggs anyway you like it, toast, fresh fruit, two delicious buttermilk pancakes with maple syrup and country potatoes with a bit of veggies mixed with them. Best breakfast I ever had.
This week when I was craving food again, I was checking how much it would cost to fly to Miami. Imagine my surprise when I found out a return ticket on a certain date in March was only €379. I know I need to save money at the moment, but wouldn't it be a nice gift to myself for graduating to go to Miami for a week, having the best dishes again, swimming in the sea, lying at the beach or pool and go shopping? I will think about this. Maybe I'd rather go back to Finland when the time comes, but my friend who traveled with me last time really wants to go back as well so I think we need to make a girlie holiday out of this again some day. Maybe next year in March we can both afford to go. The weather would be great around that time as well.
Dreaming about all this delicious food, I almost forget to write how the dinner ended: I had no stomach troubles at all! This morning, thinking I was all cured, I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. In between I made a nice salad for myself, I sure could use some veggies after the last two weeks. During the bathroom cleaning my stomach started to ache badly again and I had to quit cleaning and lie down. So still need to clean the floor, but that's about it. Not completely healthy yet, but I am getting there at least. I guess it's important as well to get enough sleep, so time to go to bed now!
So many fun things ahead of me, it's hard to focus on the things I need to do before I go there. Since today started with such a nice surprise I was all happy and made a good breakfast shake. I decided to work a bit more on a fake-leather pants I want to get done before I leave. I had some ideas in mind and I have to say they are starting to look awesome. The only bad thing about using fake-leather (or real leather, for that matter) is that this material sticks to the sewing machine and therefore all the stitches turn out much smaller than they are supposed to. I need to figure out how to make it less sticky next time. Maybe I could use some baby powder or something to make it slide more easily along the machine. Food for thoughts.
My sister called me again today and she sounded much happier. Still quite sad but she is finally seeing that she will be better off without her now ex-boyfriend. I wish she had seen the light years ago, I hated to see her all afraid and obedient all the time. There were times when they were very happy together of course, but they never lasted long. I hope she will stay strong and find her happiness!
As written in my previous post I did not cancel the Mexican restaurant this time and my friend and I had really nice taco crisps with guacamole and garlic sauce for starters. I also secretly took some bites from a banana until I ate half of it. Of course you should not bring your own food to a restaurant but I really needed to eat some banana just to make sure my stomach would not overreact immediately. It worked. For the main course we decided to take chicken fajitas and they were lovely as always! I mean, I had better Mexican food but this one is the only restaurant in the area so I'll take what I can get. Thinking of great Mexican food brings me back to Miami...
In Miami, two years ago, my friend and I discovered the Nexxt Café. It was quite a cheap restaurant but the food was amazing. I never tasted such great burritos as over there. They had one on the menu called the Monster Burrito. I had to try that one of course. After the first night we had dinner there we went back almost every day. And I always had the Monster Burrito. I still think about it and wished many times I was in Miami to taste it again. One day I will go back there to have dinner. And to have breakfast at Maxine's on Collins Avenue. They had this giant breakfast dish, called the Hungry Man's Platter. It was very tasty, with two strips of bacon, two eggs anyway you like it, toast, fresh fruit, two delicious buttermilk pancakes with maple syrup and country potatoes with a bit of veggies mixed with them. Best breakfast I ever had.
This week when I was craving food again, I was checking how much it would cost to fly to Miami. Imagine my surprise when I found out a return ticket on a certain date in March was only €379. I know I need to save money at the moment, but wouldn't it be a nice gift to myself for graduating to go to Miami for a week, having the best dishes again, swimming in the sea, lying at the beach or pool and go shopping? I will think about this. Maybe I'd rather go back to Finland when the time comes, but my friend who traveled with me last time really wants to go back as well so I think we need to make a girlie holiday out of this again some day. Maybe next year in March we can both afford to go. The weather would be great around that time as well.
Dreaming about all this delicious food, I almost forget to write how the dinner ended: I had no stomach troubles at all! This morning, thinking I was all cured, I cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. In between I made a nice salad for myself, I sure could use some veggies after the last two weeks. During the bathroom cleaning my stomach started to ache badly again and I had to quit cleaning and lie down. So still need to clean the floor, but that's about it. Not completely healthy yet, but I am getting there at least. I guess it's important as well to get enough sleep, so time to go to bed now!
Thursday, January 17, 2013
The One And The Asshole
Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore. I have been craving pizza for almost two weeks now so I thought let's just order and see what happens. I mean, the worst that could happen is that my stomach aches after eating it, but that happens as well when I eat crackers so let's have a nice meal instead. And it was delicious! I enjoyed it so much even though it wasn't that good a pizza. It was so nice eating 'real' food again after two weeks. Well of course the next six hours were terrible again but I feel so much better today. My stomach still hurts and I feel a bit shaky but much less than yesterday. So today I think I will go to the Mexican restaurant with my friend after all. I cancelled on her last week already and I think I will try it out and take all the pain afterwards again. I will get better!
Actually, I have to get better! I got a really sweet message from 'my' Finn today saying he liked reading about what was happening over here, even if he wasn't replying that much. And that he was really looking forward to spending some time with me. Oh how much fun it is to be in love!
Yesterday my sister called me, crying. She broke up with her boyfriend. FINALLY!!! After years or tormenting her, she finally couldn't take it anymore. He's telling her all the time that she has to change and she is making him unhappy. He is making her afraid of everything she does, fearing it is not good enough or it will make him angry. She asks him for permission for everything because otherwise he might get angry and then suddenly he gets angry because she asks for permission. Everytime he changes his mind about things and she never knows how he wants things that day. But if she thinks it is this he wants he wants that and gets angry at her for not knowing. I told her years ago that she has to kick him out of her house. I mean, she owns the house and he is living there almost for free (because he does not want her to earn money because he pays her rent), doing almost nothing and complaining all the time. Seriously, I would have kicked him out after the first time he went crazy on me like he did on her, but she took it time after time. I am glad she finally came to her senses and I tried to make her laugh a lot and think about how happy she will be when he is gone. Sure there will be a few days in which she will want to take him back, fearing she cannot stay alone and will not find another man, but I told her this would happen and she had to ignore it, thinking of the fun she had when she wsa single years ago. I hope she will find a good man eventually, one she really deserves and one that makes her happy like she should feel. Someone who accepts her for who she is and not wants to change her all the time.
Of course I hope I will get lucky as well and live happily ever after. My sister asked me if I still believe in 'the one' and I told her yes, I do believe in that person but mostly there is a one for a period in your life. And how long that is you cannot know for sure. Still, do not give up on love, you will find the guy for you.
Actually, I have to get better! I got a really sweet message from 'my' Finn today saying he liked reading about what was happening over here, even if he wasn't replying that much. And that he was really looking forward to spending some time with me. Oh how much fun it is to be in love!
Yesterday my sister called me, crying. She broke up with her boyfriend. FINALLY!!! After years or tormenting her, she finally couldn't take it anymore. He's telling her all the time that she has to change and she is making him unhappy. He is making her afraid of everything she does, fearing it is not good enough or it will make him angry. She asks him for permission for everything because otherwise he might get angry and then suddenly he gets angry because she asks for permission. Everytime he changes his mind about things and she never knows how he wants things that day. But if she thinks it is this he wants he wants that and gets angry at her for not knowing. I told her years ago that she has to kick him out of her house. I mean, she owns the house and he is living there almost for free (because he does not want her to earn money because he pays her rent), doing almost nothing and complaining all the time. Seriously, I would have kicked him out after the first time he went crazy on me like he did on her, but she took it time after time. I am glad she finally came to her senses and I tried to make her laugh a lot and think about how happy she will be when he is gone. Sure there will be a few days in which she will want to take him back, fearing she cannot stay alone and will not find another man, but I told her this would happen and she had to ignore it, thinking of the fun she had when she wsa single years ago. I hope she will find a good man eventually, one she really deserves and one that makes her happy like she should feel. Someone who accepts her for who she is and not wants to change her all the time.
Of course I hope I will get lucky as well and live happily ever after. My sister asked me if I still believe in 'the one' and I told her yes, I do believe in that person but mostly there is a one for a period in your life. And how long that is you cannot know for sure. Still, do not give up on love, you will find the guy for you.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Insecurities And Karaoke
I just checked my university e-mail account and there was an e-mail from University Maastricht, the normal newsletter. They were searching for students who want to blog about their life. I am seriously thinking of entering. I am not sure if anyone is interested in my life, but it would be great to have some readers (and hopefully some comments!).
Unfortunately, there was no e-mail about my research and I am truly hoping I receive it this week because I need an answer from one of the ballet schools to be able to send in my research protocol. And after this week time is running short before I leave on holiday. It would be so great if I could send it in before I leave so I can stay a bit longer if I want to. I just think it would be sad to leave just because I have to send something in. By now I am imagining spending Valentine's Day over there. That would be romantic. If it all works out with 'my' Finn of course...
Yesterday I got so much inspired late at night I almost wanted to get up and draw all designs for clothes I made up in my head. Today I wanted to start working on my fake-leather pants but all I did was just pinning the fabrics together of the pockets. After that I started feeling nauseous. That was early in the afternoon. Now I am doing okay again, but went to bed around 7 p.m. already because of feeling nauseous again. It is getting better though, I don't feel bad all day and my stomach doesn't hurt as much as it did two days ago for instance.
Since my rhythm is completely screwed up because apart from today I slept a lot during the day, I don't think I can sleep already in half an hour, so I was thinking to learn a bit Finnish again. Didn't do that for the whole week, maybe a bit longer even. I'm such a bad girl! I at least wanted to know some more sentences that might come in handy when you're alone in the city. By now I wouldn't survive on my own if it weren't for the worldly Finns who mostly speak English as well.
I am very excited about going to Helsinki all by myself. I think I could get lonely there, but on the other hand it is nice that you don't have to make sure the other person is entertained and I can do whatever I want. I could go shopping (probably not with the bit of money I have left), or do some real sightseeing, something we didn't really have the chance to do last time me and my friend were there. And something I also like is that there is the possibilty of having a romantic get-together without anyone feeling like the third weel or left alone.
Traveling alone makes me feel so independent! I feel all relaxed and at the same time excited. The stupid thing is I sometimes feel like this when I travel by train. Just because you can get on a train whenever you want to and get off the train whenever you want to, go anywhere you'd like and stay there as long as you want. I know I will feel completely free when I breathe the fresh air of Finland, walk through the snow and feel the wind in my hair and on my face, while it makes my cheeks blush and I probably feel like I need to dance and sing on the streets (but will not do it of course!).
I am looking forward to having a nice one and a half days with my Finnish friend. She booked a hotel room for us together, and we planned on doing all-girlie stuff, like shopping, having a great (but terribly bad, diet-wise) meal together (or more), watch girlie movies, drink some nice drinks together (only two for me, I shouldn't drink more on medication) and sing karaoke. My heart sings already when I think about it. I love singing and I would love to share it with other people. I only sing together with one of my best friends and only a few times other people have heard me sing. I need to get rid of my insecurities and just do what I enjoy doing. So I will sing karaoke and will love it!
Tomorrow I have therapy and I last time she asked me what I was expecting from her, what she could help me with. I forgot to ask her to give me tips on how to get rid of my insecurities. It would be so much easier to live without thinking all the time that I am doing things wrong, badly, not at all like I should do them, that I don't work hard enough, that...you know the drill. And even with singing I am so terrified what others might think or say about me, that I forget the most important thing and that is that I really enjoy it and it makes me happy. So why shouldn't I just do it. Not everyone is a star at karaoke. And I bet that I am not the worst singer up there. So why not just do it and enjoy myself? It is so much fun to watch people enjoy what they're doing and if you can show and bring that joy to others, why not?
Unfortunately, there was no e-mail about my research and I am truly hoping I receive it this week because I need an answer from one of the ballet schools to be able to send in my research protocol. And after this week time is running short before I leave on holiday. It would be so great if I could send it in before I leave so I can stay a bit longer if I want to. I just think it would be sad to leave just because I have to send something in. By now I am imagining spending Valentine's Day over there. That would be romantic. If it all works out with 'my' Finn of course...
Yesterday I got so much inspired late at night I almost wanted to get up and draw all designs for clothes I made up in my head. Today I wanted to start working on my fake-leather pants but all I did was just pinning the fabrics together of the pockets. After that I started feeling nauseous. That was early in the afternoon. Now I am doing okay again, but went to bed around 7 p.m. already because of feeling nauseous again. It is getting better though, I don't feel bad all day and my stomach doesn't hurt as much as it did two days ago for instance.
Since my rhythm is completely screwed up because apart from today I slept a lot during the day, I don't think I can sleep already in half an hour, so I was thinking to learn a bit Finnish again. Didn't do that for the whole week, maybe a bit longer even. I'm such a bad girl! I at least wanted to know some more sentences that might come in handy when you're alone in the city. By now I wouldn't survive on my own if it weren't for the worldly Finns who mostly speak English as well.
I am very excited about going to Helsinki all by myself. I think I could get lonely there, but on the other hand it is nice that you don't have to make sure the other person is entertained and I can do whatever I want. I could go shopping (probably not with the bit of money I have left), or do some real sightseeing, something we didn't really have the chance to do last time me and my friend were there. And something I also like is that there is the possibilty of having a romantic get-together without anyone feeling like the third weel or left alone.
Traveling alone makes me feel so independent! I feel all relaxed and at the same time excited. The stupid thing is I sometimes feel like this when I travel by train. Just because you can get on a train whenever you want to and get off the train whenever you want to, go anywhere you'd like and stay there as long as you want. I know I will feel completely free when I breathe the fresh air of Finland, walk through the snow and feel the wind in my hair and on my face, while it makes my cheeks blush and I probably feel like I need to dance and sing on the streets (but will not do it of course!).
I am looking forward to having a nice one and a half days with my Finnish friend. She booked a hotel room for us together, and we planned on doing all-girlie stuff, like shopping, having a great (but terribly bad, diet-wise) meal together (or more), watch girlie movies, drink some nice drinks together (only two for me, I shouldn't drink more on medication) and sing karaoke. My heart sings already when I think about it. I love singing and I would love to share it with other people. I only sing together with one of my best friends and only a few times other people have heard me sing. I need to get rid of my insecurities and just do what I enjoy doing. So I will sing karaoke and will love it!
Tomorrow I have therapy and I last time she asked me what I was expecting from her, what she could help me with. I forgot to ask her to give me tips on how to get rid of my insecurities. It would be so much easier to live without thinking all the time that I am doing things wrong, badly, not at all like I should do them, that I don't work hard enough, that...you know the drill. And even with singing I am so terrified what others might think or say about me, that I forget the most important thing and that is that I really enjoy it and it makes me happy. So why shouldn't I just do it. Not everyone is a star at karaoke. And I bet that I am not the worst singer up there. So why not just do it and enjoy myself? It is so much fun to watch people enjoy what they're doing and if you can show and bring that joy to others, why not?
Bad Blogger
I've been a bad blogger. No excuses for not writing anything in over a month.
I've been learning a bit of Finnish Grammar. I've been working on my research protocol a LOT. I've been in touch with many friends very actively. And now I am stuck in bed for over a week with stomach flu. The worst part is being hungry all day but not being able to eat anything because every bit of food (and even tea) makes me feel nauseous and makes my stomach hurt. I keep imagining eating the best burgers, burrito's, buttermilk pancakes, fries, pizza and more...
Today I was in the supermarket to buy some bananas because my stomach seems to handle them best of all foods. I got so dizzy and sweaty and almost fainted. I was so glad when I got back home. The stupid thing is that even all this not eating doesn't really make me lose weight. Only a bit. I think this week I lost a kilo or something. How disappointing.
In a bit less than two weeks I will be traveling to Scandinavia again :D. First off to Copenhagen, Denmark with one of my best friends for one Sonata Arctica show and then she goes home and I will travel to Tampere, Finnland with another good friend I made on tour. The best part of the trip is the travel back to Helsinki for the last days when I hopefully get to meet up with the cute Finn I met this fall. He said he would make some time for me but since he is really busy with work I am not sure if he'll make it. I do hope so though, I think we would be a great match and I would love to get to know him a bit better in person.
My arms are so heavy and tired from typing already...I need to go back to sleep. All I do these days is sleep, wake up and try to get some food inside me, try to keep it inside and sleep again. As soon as I am better I will go and enjoy a really, really good meal!
I've been learning a bit of Finnish Grammar. I've been working on my research protocol a LOT. I've been in touch with many friends very actively. And now I am stuck in bed for over a week with stomach flu. The worst part is being hungry all day but not being able to eat anything because every bit of food (and even tea) makes me feel nauseous and makes my stomach hurt. I keep imagining eating the best burgers, burrito's, buttermilk pancakes, fries, pizza and more...
Today I was in the supermarket to buy some bananas because my stomach seems to handle them best of all foods. I got so dizzy and sweaty and almost fainted. I was so glad when I got back home. The stupid thing is that even all this not eating doesn't really make me lose weight. Only a bit. I think this week I lost a kilo or something. How disappointing.
In a bit less than two weeks I will be traveling to Scandinavia again :D. First off to Copenhagen, Denmark with one of my best friends for one Sonata Arctica show and then she goes home and I will travel to Tampere, Finnland with another good friend I made on tour. The best part of the trip is the travel back to Helsinki for the last days when I hopefully get to meet up with the cute Finn I met this fall. He said he would make some time for me but since he is really busy with work I am not sure if he'll make it. I do hope so though, I think we would be a great match and I would love to get to know him a bit better in person.
My arms are so heavy and tired from typing already...I need to go back to sleep. All I do these days is sleep, wake up and try to get some food inside me, try to keep it inside and sleep again. As soon as I am better I will go and enjoy a really, really good meal!
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