Just a short message, the last one before my next trip starts. My internet finally got back to me this afternoon around 4. I am so happy with it, I could do some things I needed to get ready before tomorrow.
I also finished my fake-leather pants and even washed it so tomorrow I can pack it and bring it with me. I hope the fabric doesn't rip or something while I wear it...
I wrapped all the presents for my friends yesterday and now the suitcase is quite full already. I counted 11 presents but I think my friends will all love to get a (few) gift(s) so I have to try and fit it all in there. Even if it means bringing less clothes. I saw that the apartment I rented for the end of next week has a washing machine so I can wash some clothes then, should be okay.
Therapy went nicely yesterday. She asked about my plans after I get my master's degree and I told her I would get back to work at my old practice or move to Finland. I told her I really wasn't sure yet, but I am getting more confident every day that I need to get out of the life I am stuck in right now and start somewhere new. I won't break every link I have with this life of course, I want to keep all of my friends here and travel back to see them and all, but I think it would be great to start with a career over there instead of going on in the same way I always did over here. Not being completely sure if I want to work there forever, if I dare to say something about the treatments some of my colleagues are giving their patients (I think in some things they are really too old-fashioned, although I like working there). I also don't think I want to buy myself into the practice. Just because I am not sure about how they work. I am interested in new treatment ways and giving more attention to the patients, because it is well-known by now that the way you communicate with your patiens and how you approach them is very important as well to the healing process. And exercising is almost always the way to go. Not completely always, definitely not, but I prefer that over putting some UKG on a patient.
I am starting to realize my mind is pretty well made up by now. I would like to work there for a very short while maybe, but definitely not forever, not even for two years or so. I am old enough to start getting on with what I want to do. No more time to waste on undecidedness.
Being undecided, it was a theme last time in my therapy-session. We talked about it again yesterday and yes I have this many times, but most of the times when it involves other people and what they want to do. I always want to please others so I want them to decide to make sure they are happy with the decision. It becomes difficult when your friends think the same way and you both don't dare to tell what you really want. I am trying now to speak my mind and not always let others say it first. A good thing I can practice in the next week(s). I will meet so many friends there that it is good to make your own opinion clear, especially when there's more than two people around. Otherwise we're all waiting for others to decide since we are all brought up with politeness as a virtue.
Quick update on my sister: she is back with her boyfriend, for now. They are trying to talk about things they want to change. But since they said they would do that, suddenly he doesn't want to talk anymore and just sit and watch tv or something. So now my sister doesn't know what to do and feels guilty towards her friends, because she told them she broke up, and now she is back with him. I told her, it is your life, you make your own decisions. If you want to try one more time, that is your decision and no one has anything to say in that. And we are all there hoping you are happy, whether that is with him or without him. I hope they can make it work, or else that they quickly break up, because I fear it will be too much for her and she is quite fragile. Not that she would do anything to herself, but she would take it hard and would be sad for months again. I just want her to be happy, find her guy SOON, so she can finally have the family she was born to have. She would be the greatest mom and I feel sad that she is feeling so hopeless about her boyfriend not wanting to have children. I wish she wasn't aso fraid to make the wrong decision and thus stay undecided.
This turned out to be not such a short post after all....Guess I had more to tell than I thought.
I got two more messages from my guy yesterday, and now I am missing him because he did not write anything today. Yesterday was fun though, finding out he is just as geeky as I am. It made me feel happy. I really hope it won't be awkward when we meet. I wish it would be just as easy as typing a message to him, because that goes so easy, I am not really thinking of what to write, it just comes right out of my fingers/head onto the screen. I sometimes have to delete stuff because I am rambling. That's how easy it goes. Now in real life I am much more shy and so I hope we won't stay quiet for ages. But I think as soon as I see that shy smile of his, I melt and it's all good.
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