Thoughts On The New Year

That was a crappy night...Woke up this morning around 9.30 am and I feel so dizzy, probably because of lack of sleep. I know, however, that sleeping longer is no use as I have trouble falling asleep and it is better to maybe sleep for half an hour later this afternoon or go to bed early tonight.

There were so many things I wanted to do today but with how I am feeling right now it will probably not work out. Getting up from my couch is already a struggle. I will still try to do something and one thing I am proud of is that I opened my university e-mail for the first time since the beginning of November. I got three e-mails from my mentor and all she keeps asking is how I am doing, if everything is alright. It warms my heart she is asking that and I know she wants me to be better and wants to help me, but at the moment I really cannot do anything. Even concentrating on my mindfulness exercises is so difficult, it is just not going well. I know the holidays did me good in a way, to be away from everything and most of all the worries, but getting back home they hit me even harder, all the responsibilities I have, all the worries I left behind. They came back twice as hard.

So I decided this month will be all about me and my studies, and coping with the things I did ignore for such a long time. I will be working on myself and try to leave all the love-related things for a while. I know I will not succeed because this one cutie will be in my head all the time anyway but I won't get to see him before end of January so I have enough time to focus on other things. And maybe in the mean time have some fun with friends as well. But no throwing myself in a new relationship. Nope, this time I will go into the new year single and I will not worry about staying alone forever because I know there is someone out there for me and I just have to be patient. Maybe I already found him/her and I just don't know it. No worries, the next year will be my year! The year in which I will be healthy again and happy with who I am and the year in which I will get my Master's degree and hopefully move to Finland to live happily ever after!